


You Have Always Been by My Side

by Jon



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Love Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jon/pseuds/Jon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin lies his last letter to Thorin to rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Have Always Been by My Side

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [ladynorthstar's artwork](http://ladynorthstar.tumblr.com/post/41205998484/for-all-thorins-life-dwalin-has-always-been).

Thorin- this will be the last time I see your face.

 

Your tomb lies waiting for you, and so does your long sleep under the Mountain. With it I lie my last letter, and my heart, to sleep as well. I keep it not- for my only hope is that with age the parchment crumbles into dust, and that dust will mix in time with your bones and body- your soul- and find its way to you in a place where you can read these words.

My very last words for you. 

 

 

It feels as though we were always meant to know each other. I can almost hear your laughter in my ear, your hand on my shoulder shaking me back to sense at my flowery speech. You were always the one for great sayings and led a battle with your voice as well as your axe. But it's true; I can hardly remember how you were when I first met you- you've grown so much since then.

And there I say it again. ' You've grown', though I'm talking to you now. Not 'grew'- for you're not truly dead to me. You never will be.

 

Do you remember your first lesson with me? You were terrible. Though of course, I didn't say that to your father's face- and I remember yours clearly, smiling up at him all proud when I lied and said you were the best in the class.

But you didn't disappoint me- not then and not ever since. You weren't the best, aye, but you worked hard, the hardest of them all. And then I saw you for who you really were- not a spoiled king's son, but a dwarf of his own right, who wasn't afraid to learn and perfect himself.

 

If only I could have learned from you in life, I might have been a better dwarf.

 

Soon, you were a warrior amongst the best. Soon, you fought at my side, and I at yours. Can you remember all those times? When I think I can recall them all, suddenly another one appears! Another time and another battle, where I had your back or you saved my skin, or all of it together. It makes me laugh. It makes me weep. But most of all, it makes me proud.

 

You taught yourself something then, with no guidance from anyone. Your harp lies with you, and I have lain it in your hand so you may feel it again; should you get afraid in the darkness of your sleep, it is always there for you to play. Allow me to make a confession to you- your music has more than once soothed my soul as it ached. After my mother died, you sat in your room and practised the harp. I lay in my bed, and the only thing that aided my rest that night was your music. I thought I was too old for lullabies, but more than once over these long years, you've eased my heart with song. For that, I cannot thank you enough, and it has been an honour for my humble fiddle to join your golden beauty in tune- be it sombre or merry.

 

You should have heard what tune I played at your funeral, Thorin.

You'd have thought it fitting, and if you watched from the Halls of our Fathers, I hope you enjoyed it- for it started out as your favourite inn song- if you remember it, the first song you heard me play all those years ago.

 

I've never seen you smile as much as when I played that song for you. After I leave this place, I may go and take up my fiddle again- pretend I can see your face still if I close my eyes and wish myself to a better world.

 

 

We started to love long before either of us said anything, and no words I can write here can tell of it. We were- we are- deeper than brothers, stronger in spirit than those of a blood-tie. You clung to me after that Battle- your first _proper_ Battle- and I felt your heart beat as mine, I felt your hair and body as I held and hushed you, and your tears run into me. I knew then we would never be parted.

From then on, your embrace felt different, somehow. And your kiss afterwards like fire in my body. You ignited me then- and the fire has never died, nor will it diminish even as the cold stone of your resting place tries to douse it.

 

I grew old- and so did you. Well, older. Soon, we had other responsibilities, and you had two little ones to help look after. I hope I did as good a job of being uncle as you did- I tried.

 

May their memory never fade. Tell them I love them endlessley, once you meet them again.

 

 

So now I run out of time, and out of paper and ink- but no amount of words I can write or think can document my feelings for you, or what nonsense I could sit and tell you, whittling on to you as I always did when I had too much ale. No words can tell of the pain I felt- like my throat being ripped from my body, like glass cracked in my lungs- when I saw you lying there. I dare not write of it. I cannot.

 

 

 

Time.

 

We had so little _time_.

 

 

My parting memory of you is on the night we set out to the Shire. You took me then to one side in all the bustle and preparation and drew our heads close. And as we held hands, I never wanted to let you go. And you spoke simple words to me then, but I could hear your conviction strong as it ever was:

'We _shall_ reclaim it. I promise it.'

 

And you kept your promise; our kingdom has been reclaimed. But not for me.

 

I ask at the end of all things only this of you, as the only man I have ever loved.

Look upon me, Thorin, and have a watchful eye out to guide this old fool in his steps on this Earth.

Duty calls for King Dain to rule in your stead and I to serve him as my lord- but now service to my king will be bitter, with the sweetness a dull after-taste.

 

For you have always been by my side in life, and I pray now you will be in death.

 

 

Ever at your service,

 

your Dwalin.


End file.
